Enlightenment
Swami Beyondananda's Ten Guidelines for Enlightenment

1. Be a Fundamentalist--ensure that the FUN always comes before the MENTAL. Realize that life is a situation comedy that will never be canceled. A laugh track has been provided and the reason we are put in the material world is to get more material. Have a good "laughsitive" twice a day, which will ensure regularity.

2. Remember that each of us has been given a special gift just for entering this dimension, so you're already a winner!

3. The most powerful tool on the planet today is TELL-A-VISION. That's where I tell a vision to you and you tell a vision to me. That way, if we don't like the programming we're getting, we can change the channel.

4. Life is like photography: use the negative to develop.

5. It is true: as we go through life making heavy thoughts, thought particles tend to get caught between the ears and cause a condition called "TRUTH DECAY." Be sure to use mental floss twice a day, and when you're tempted to practice TANTRUM YOGA, remember what we teach in the Swami's Abusiveness Training Class: DON'T GET EVEN, GET ODD!

6. If we want world peace, we must let go of our attachments and truly live like nomads. That's where...I no mad at you and you no mad at me. That way there'll surely be nomadness on the planet. Peace begins with each of us. A little peace here, a little peace there. Pretty soon all the peaces will fit together to make one big peace everywhere.

7. I know great changes have been predicted for the future, so if you're looking to avoid earthquakes, my advice is simple: when you find a fault, don't dwell on it.

8. There's no need to change the world. All we have to do is toilet train the world, and we'll never have to change it again.

9. If you're looking for the key to the Universe, I've got some good news and bad news. The bad news: there's no key to the Universe. The good news: it was never locked.

10 Finally, everything I've told you is channeled. That way, if you don't like it, it's not my fault. But remember: Enlightenment is not a bureaucracy, so you don't have to go through the channels.
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